


Still as Statues

by apricotyams



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Butterbeer (Harry Potter), Kitchen Nightmare, Other, Pre-Hogwarts, Raising Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25785073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apricotyams/pseuds/apricotyams
Summary: Harry wants to do something nice for his mother all on his own. Mistakes happen and James wants to help his son before Lily finds out exactly what happens. Shenanigans ensue but all in all, it turns out to be a pretty great morning. But after Sirius and Remus show up, more shenanigans occur that end Harry’s happiness. (WHICH HE DESERVES)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 48





	Still as Statues

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, this is my first time ever posting on AO3. I’ve been rereading Harry Potter and decided that Joking Kronut Rowling is rude and no longer decides what’s canon anymore. Thus, everyone lives and no one dies, Harry is still famous but he is loved all the time and grows up with his parents and their two idiotic, gay best friends. Please enjoy! :D

Lily Potter knew something was wrong when it was eerily quiet in the small Potter cottage. Normally she could hear airplane noises or crashes coming down from the stairs when she exited the shower every morning. However, it was perfectly quiet this morning...too quiet. Quite skeptical of her son and husband she got dressed rather quickly and only grew more suspicious when she could faintly smell something sweet as she exited her room. However it didn’t smell like any of the candles she had bought and she knew James would never buy a candle smelling so sweet because “they’re aggressive and make me feel ill”. Lily rolls her eyes thinking of her childish husband, a small smile on her face. Whatever in the world her boys were doing, it couldn’t be that bad, could it?

The smell of butterbeer incensed the lower level of the house as Lily made her way downstairs. The further down the steps she went, the stronger the scent became until she followed it to the kitchen. The scene before her was definitely not one she had been expecting but it’s also one that felt quite humorous as her husband and 8 year old son looked certainly out of place and quite crazed in a sense. She had to cover her mouth with her hand to hold back the great bout of laughter that threatened to escape her. 

“Harry, quick clean off the stove, here’s a rag,” James, Lily’s beautiful, idiotic husband whisper yelled at their son in a frantic manner. Their eight year old son, equally as frantic with a look of fear induced-mania, wordlessly took the rag from his father and furiously began to mop up the liquid from the stove. As he did so, James threw another rag to the ground and frantically began mopping up the load of butterbeer that had fallen to the floor. She looked to the island and found three plates of breakfast with sausage that seemed rather burnt and eggs that might not have been cooked all the way through. At this, she grew a little confused because despite the mess of a boy James had been when they began dating at Hogwarts, his cooking skills had refined infinitely and she knew he could make a simple dish of sausage and eggs quite well. 

“Dad, can’t we just spell this mess away?” Harry asked, glasses slightly askew as he quickly ran the sodden rag across the stove, it no longer soaking up any of the mess. Harry didn’t seem to notice. Neither did James. 

“Yes, but my wand’s in the bedroom and your mother is out of the shower— “

James abruptly stopped scrubbing at the floor when he looked forward and saw Lily absolutely reduced into a mess of giggles. Harry looked forward as well and his cheeks instantly grew as red as a firetruck. “Uh-oh,” he whispered and Lily couldn’t help the laughter that escaped her. 

“Harry, son, she’s laughing,” James murmured, still awe-strucked and crouched up on the floor holding the now-useless rag. 

“I know dad. What do we do?” Harry whispered back.

“Maybe if we stay still enough, she won’t notice us,” James quietly said back and Lily saw as their bodies grew stiff, both attempting to stand as still as statues. This only caused Lily to laugh harder. She absolutely adored her boys. 

After a few seconds, Harry whispered through one side of his mouth, “Dad, I don’t think it’s working. She’s still laughing.”

“Shhh, it might take a few minutes but I know for a fact she won’t notice us after long,” James whispered back, an amused smile growing on his face that he couldn’t hold back.

Lily managed to stifle her giggles long enough to play into the little act James was making up. “Oh where could my boys have gone? They were here just a second ago,” she said airily, looking between James and Harry pretending not to notice either of them. She mustered up her best looking confused face as possible. 

“They seem to have made a bit of a mess, and there’s three plates of breakfast sitting on the counter, but no Harry and no Jimmy. It seems they disappeared into thin air,” she mused, stepping forward into their kitchen a little more, peering down at the haphazard breakfast foods. 

“Dad, it’s working,” Harry whispered through clenched teeth. 

“That’s it son, keep still and maybe we’ll get out of this,” James said back through equally clenched teeth, the amused grin on his face in full affect as he isn’t able to restrain himself anymore. 

“And look at the mess, if Harry and Jimmy aren’t here who could’ve made it? It’s quite rude that they didn’t try to clean it up, although not for lack of trying it seems,” Lily continued, stepping around the counter close to James and leaning down to peer at the rag he had left sodden on the ground only moments ago. 

“All over the stove, too. Whoever made this mess seems quite clumsy,” Lily detected and she smirks as Harry’s cheeks go bright red again. “Well, no sense in crying over spilt butterbeer,” she said wistfully, pulling out her wand and in a quick flick of it, the mess on the ground and the stove was gone in an instant. Yet Harry and James did not move despite Lily’s closeness to each of them. 

“Almost there son,” James murmured, and Lily has to hold back a snort. “She’ll leave soon, I know it,” he continued encouragingly. Despite the act they were playing out, Lily couldn’t help stare directly at her husband and smile devilishly. Oh no, she wasn’t letting them out just yet. It was far too amusing to see them like this, with Harry who seemed to desperately want to scratch his nose.

“Oh well,” Lily said, with a bit of melancholy, “guess I’ll just have to eat all this breakfast myself, it does look quite delicious.” 

This was a lie and both Lily and James knew it but judging by the quality of the food and the spilt butterbeer, it had been Harry’s idea to make breakfast with as little help as possible. It warmed Lily’s heart knowing she’s raising such a thoughtful boy.

As Lily neared the plates that sat on the counter, a loud grumble sounded from behind her and a sheepish look managed to creep onto Harry’s unusually stoic face. But yet he didn’t move and Lily wasn’t letting her son off that easily. “Well, here I go,” she said, picking up a fork and Harry’s stomach grumbled again and he couldn’t take it anymore. 

“No! Wait!” Harry exclaimed, breaking his character and lounging forward to hold his mom around the middle. 

“Harry!” Lily exclaimed, a pretend-surprised smile on her face. “Oh my baby boy, I thought you went missing! Where did you go?” she exclaimed.

“It was all Dad’s idea! I swear! He said that if we stayed still you wouldn’t notice the mess we made! But I’m really hungry and I made this breakfast for you all on my own! Don’t eat without me!” her son explained, his green eyes pleading and Lily’s smile softened. 

“Oi, mate. Way to leave me hanging,” James finally said, stepping out of character and to the other side of Harry so he was in between his parents. “And if I recall correctly, it was only you who made a mess and I was just trying to help you out, you little bugger,” James continued, settling on tickling his son’s sides causing the boy to shriek with giggles. 

“Stop it!” Harry cried but the smile on his face was too much. James couldn’t stop. “I’ll let you have the biggest plate! It was supposed to be for mum but you can have it!” he called and James relented, content on getting the most food out of the situation. But Lily raised an eyebrow at him. If Harry intended for her to have the most food, then she was going to have it, no matter how burnt or runny it looked. 

“Alright, alright, mum can have the biggest plate,” James conceded, understanding the look that Lily gave him. She wanted her son to know that she loved his effort even if his 8 year old cooking skills could use some polishing up. The gesture is what really mattered.  
All smiles around, they each picked up a plate, the butterbeer incident already forgotten, and sat at the small circular table to the side of the kitchen. The three of them dug into the burnt sausages and runny eggs and, despite it’s unappealing looks, were actually quite good. 

===

The small family had just finished eating and were laughing at the little act that had occurred only minutes ago when a familiar whooshing sound came from the living room. James instantly knew who it was an a mischievous smirk rested on his face. Lily caught a glance at it and rolled her eyes but both she and Harry followed his lead. 

Sirius and Remus were bickering about floo powder and how Sirius always used so much as they rounded into the kitchen of the Potter’s cottage. However both came to a halt as they looked at the sight in front of them.

“Moony, where are they?” Sirius asked blankly, staring around the table, pretending not to see James, Harry, or Lily. Remus sighed next to him and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“They’re right there, Padfoot,” Remus replied, gesturing to the table where three still-as-statues bodies sat, not moving an inch and staring at nothing. Remus couldn’t help but notice James’s familiar smirk on his face that suggested that this was his idea. 

“Does it smell like butterbeer?” Sirius asked, sniffing the air and Remus yawned. 

“Barely.”

“Prongs? Lily? Prongslet? Where are you?” Sirius called loudly to the house, but got no reply. “Remus, where did they go?” he asked his husband in an inside voice. And Remus sighed. 

“Pads, they’re right there,” Remus gestured to the table again and Sirius shook his head. Sirius always had a knack for understanding James’s thought process behind little stunts like this and Remus, well he got it too, he just didn’t play into them as easily. 

“Dad, it’s working,” they heard Harry mutter to his father and James seemed ready to burst at the seams with laughter. Lily also was holding back giggles judging by the pained look on her face. But none of them moved. 

“Maybe they went out,” Sirius said inquisitively and Remus sighed again. 

“Yes, perhaps they did,” the werewolf conceded and Sirius smiled at him. 

“Well then, while the Prongs are away, Padfoot and Moony get to play,” Sirius answered, and Remus put his face into his hand. 

“Padfoot, please,” Remus begged and Sirius paid no mind to him. The three Potters were all giggling at the kitchen table, still trying to maintain a facade of statuary yet failing as their bodies racked with giggles. Sirius smiled at Remus and the latter couldn’t help but return it back to him. It didn’t take much longer for Harry to launch out of his seat and run to hug his godfathers around the middle despite James’s cry of indignation and Lily’s laughter. 

THE END


End file.
